He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Michael Bay diarrhea
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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