Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
