I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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