Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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