he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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