Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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