You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
