It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
