I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
