sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
