omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
