I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
