i think i have two assholes
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
