a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
