If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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