I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
