Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
