Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
