I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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