wake up i wanna do it froggy style
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
