Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
