We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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