Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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