The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
