Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
