If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
