Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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