This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
