Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
