You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
