Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
