Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
we're making bets on your personal life
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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