I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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