So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
