at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
