im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
