There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm drive I can fine osifer
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
