New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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