This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
