In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
time to smoke my breakfast
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
