the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
