i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
