This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
