Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
