every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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