so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
