grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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