True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
