my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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