You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
