The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
