chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
