Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
