Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
