So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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