like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
