You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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